Supporting Your Child Through Hitting, Throwing, and Kicking Phases

As parents, caregivers, or educators, witnessing little ones hitting, throwing, or kicking can be distressing and challenging. However, it's essential to understand that these behaviours are often part of their developmental journey, and there are helpful ways to support them through this phase. 

Why children might hit, throw, or kick? 

There could be many reasons why children display this behaviour. Here are some reasons to help you understand and support them through this phase. 

1. Frustration.

Little ones may hit, throw, or kick when facing challenges or obstacles they cannot communicate or overcome.  

For example, a toddler may hit their toy when they can't figure out how to make it work. 

2. Expression of Emotions.

Children may resort to hitting, throwing, or kicking as a way to express intense emotions such as anger, frustration, or excitement.  

For example, a child might kick a ball aggressively out of excitement during playtime or hit a pillow when feeling frustrated or upset. 

3. Communication Skills.

Young children do not yet have the ability to express themselves with words, so they might communicate through physical actions. 

For example, a toddler may hit their sibling to express their desire for a toy. 

4. Seeking Attention.

Hitting, throwing, or kicking behaviours can be a way for children to gain attention, especially if they feel neglected or overlooked.  

For example, a child might throw objects to get their parents' attention while they are busy with chores. 

5. Exploration and Curiosity.

Young children often explore their environment through physical actions, including hitting, throwing, or kicking.  

For example, Toddlers may throw toys or food to see how far they can go or what sound they make upon impact. 

6. Copying Behaviour.

Children may imitate behaviours they observe in others, such as siblings, peers, or adults.  

For example, A child might get hit after seeing their older sibling or others do the same. 

7. Testing Boundaries.

Hitting, throwing, or kicking can be a way for children to test boundaries and assert their independence.  

For example, Toddlers may kick their legs during a nappy change to resist restraint. 

How Can You Help?  

Here are some strategies to help your child through this phase: 

• Stay Calm: When your little one hits, throws, or kicks, it's important to remain calm and composed. Reacting with anger or frustration can escalate the situation and reinforce negative behaviours. 

• Observe Patterns: Pay attention to when and where the behaviour occurs. Look for patterns and triggers during playtime, routines and interactions. 

• Watch for Cues: Notice your little one's body language, facial expressions, and vocalisations to catch early signs of frustration, excitement, or overstimulation. 

• Set Clear Boundaries: Establish clear and consistent rules about hitting, throwing, and kicking. Let your little one know these behaviours are unacceptable and explain why. Use simple language to communicate your expectations. 

• Model Positive Behaviour: Be a role model for your child by demonstrating appropriate ways to express emotions and solve problems. Show them how to use words to communicate feelings and resolve conflicts peacefully. 

• Provide Alternative Outlets: Encourage your little one to find alternative ways to release their energy and frustrations. You can suggest physical activities such as throwing balls, playing with beanbags, running, jumping, or a fun pillow fight. Additionally, provide sensory toys or objects that they can squeeze or manipulate when feeling overwhelmed.  

• Teach Emotional Regulation: Help your child identify and label their emotions. Teach them coping strategies such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or taking a break in a quiet space. Encourage them to use these techniques when they feel angry or upset. 

• Use Positive Reinforcement: Praise your child when they demonstrate appropriate behaviour and follow the rules. Offer verbal praise, hugs, or small rewards to reinforce positive actions and encourage them to make good choices. 

• Practice Empathy: Help your child understand the impact of their actions on others. Encourage them to consider how their hitting, throwing, or kicking may hurt someone else's feelings or cause harm. Encourage empathy by asking questions like, "How do you think your friend felt when you hit them?" 

• Stay Consistent: Be consistent in your approach to addressing hitting, throwing, and kicking behaviours. Stick to the boundaries you've established and enforce consequences when necessary. Consistency helps children understand expectations and reinforces learning. 

• Communicate with nursery or school: If your child attends an early year setting or school, it's important to maintain open communication with their keyworker or teacher. Work with them to develop consistent strategies that can be enforced at home and in the educational setting. 

Helpful books. 

Books are great tools for helping our little ones understand hitting, kicking, throwing and emotions. Reading together can help them identify their feelings and learn appropriate behaviours. Here are some book titles to get you started: 

• Hands Are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi.

• Little Dinos Don't Hit by Michael Dahl. 

• It's Tough to Be Gentle: A Dragon's Tale by Cindy R Lee.

• Little Dinos Don't Push by Michael Dahl.

• Gentle Hands and Other Sing-Along Songs for Social-Emotional Learning by Amadee Ricketts.

• My Big Shouting Day by Rebecca Patterson.

• Lots of Feelings by Shelley Rotner.

• B is for Breathe by Dr Melissa Munro Boyd.