How To Talk To Children About Bullying
Seeing your child suffer from bullying or cyberbullying physically and emotionally is heartbreaking.
Parents and other adults often avoid talking to their kids about it because it can be a complex subject. But we mustn't ignore the problem. Talking about bullying is important, so our children understand it and speak up if they are going through it. It also supports our children in not becoming perpetrators of those harmful behaviours.
We have compiled some important information and tips to aid you when speaking with your young child about this delicate subject because it is entirely normal to feel unprepared if the situation arises.
Understanding the Basics.
What is bullying?
Children can display bullying behaviour as young as three years old. However, providing opportunities to talk about kindness and unkindness can offer your little one a chance to understand bullying and influence how your little one plays and communicates with others.
The definition of bullying is significant to understand when evaluating the difference between 'relational conflict' – where there is a 'falling out' between children – and when it tips the balance to bullying. Intent, repetition, and power are the three characteristics that bullying typically exhibits.
Bullying behaviour has four key aspects:
It's hurtful.
It's intentional.
It's repetitive.
It involves a power imbalance.
Bullying is the repeated intention to hurt someone through physical harm, hurtful words, or behaviour. Bullying is more likely to happen to children who are most at risk. These are frequently:
Children from underprivileged backgrounds.
Children from marginalised communities.
Children with different gender identities.
Children with disabilities.
Children who are migrants or refugees.
Bullying can take place offline, as well as online:
Social media.
SMS/text messaging.
Instant messaging.
Email.
Other online platforms where children gather are common places where cyberbullying occurs.
It can be challenging to determine when your child is impacted by cyberbullying because parents might not constantly monitor their child's actions on these platforms.
Building tolerance and empathy in our children.
Empathy is the ability to understand and experience another person's emotions. It is the capacity to share other people's perspectives and to become aware of their feelings.
Empathy and tolerance are essential character qualities for children; it helps them learn to react when faced with conflict or social situations.
They are much better at solving problems and building more robust, meaningful relationships than children who lack empathy. It also promotes tolerance and acceptance of others while developing emotional intelligence and maturity.
Support your little one to view, appreciate and recognise the differences and similarities of our world from an early age.
Children must experience different genders, cultures, colours, religions, customs, and the variety of people on our planet!
Books are excellent tools to help you expose them to the broader world! Use age-appropriate books and stories representing babies and children from different races and ethnicities. Our babies and children need to see characters that look like them and those that don't look like them in the books they read.
Pretend play is also a great way to practise empathy.
Asking open-ended questions will encourage discussion and allow you to point out differences and situations without making a judgement, as young children cannot form their own opinions yet. "There is only one cupcake left, but you have two babies; what can you do?" "Your teddy fell. What do you think we should do about it?"
As children age, asking them to imagine more complicated real-life scenarios will further support their understanding. You can begin to discuss more complex issues regarding how to be kind.
Play games or read stories about emotions and feelings with your little one, which will help them learn how to express their feelings and recognise emotions in others.
Be the behaviour you want to see.
Babies begin the journey of learning about the world around them by first learning about themselves.
Babies learn about their physical, social and emotional selves through you!; they learn social cues, gestures, and movements and begin understanding emotions by observing you and others around them.
Being a parent is challenging, and navigating certain situations when tired, busy or anxious can be difficult. However, we must remember that we are adults capable of exercising self-control, which our children are only beginning to learn to do.
Language: Think about the language you are using with your children; we don't need to change how we talk; we need to adjust certain words in our vocabulary. Be the behaviour you want to see
Manners: Teaching children good manners and being respectful to others begins with us adults.
Greeting: Greeting people properly "Hello, good morning, how are you Today? We can do simple everyday things, and as small as it seems, it will go a long way when your children begin interacting with others, and you will reap the benefits of living with a polite individual in your home.
Respect: Respect your little one's thoughts and ideas, listen to what they have to say, get down to their level and give eye contact.
Talk about your feelings and share your experiences.
Stereotypes: Challenge stereotypes such as 'these are boys' toys' in a positive and friendly way.
Positive behaviour: Praise positive behaviour amongst the other adults in the house.
Avoid labelling: Do not label a child a 'bully'. This is an unhelpful label and says that bullying is something you are rather than a behaviour choice you can change. Instead, talk about bullying behaviour.
These are small, everyday actions that we can take, and despite their apparent smallness, they will significantly impact how your children behave when they start interacting with you and others. You will also benefit from having a polite person in your home!
Help your child be a positive role model.
There are three parties to bullying: the victim, the perpetrator, and the bystander. Even if children are not victims of bullying, they can prevent bullying by being inclusive, respectful and kind to their peers. They can stick up for the victim, offer support, and question bullying behaviours if they witness bullying.
Help build your child's self-confidence.
Building confidence in your child is about more than constant praise and positive affirmations. It's about demonstrating their respect and love, showing them their self-worth. By supporting your child's confidence from a very early age, you are providing vital life lessons they can use in every new or changing experience they encounter as they grow.
Be part of their online experience.
Familiarise yourself with the platforms your child uses, explain how the online and offline worlds are connected, and warn them about the different risks they'll face online.
What should I do if my child is being bullied or threatened?
There are several actions you can take to support your child if you are aware that they are being bullied:
Give your child a calm, listening ear.
Instead of attempting to identify what led to the bullying or to find a solution, put your attention on helping them feel heard and supported.
Make sure they know that they are not to blame.
Tell your little one you believe them, that you are glad they came to you, that it is not their fault, and that you will do your best to find help.
Bullying is not something you and your child need to handle on your own. Seek support, and speak to their childminder, nursery, teacher or school.
Find out if their nursery, childminder or school has a code of conduct or policy against bullying.
Be a source of support. Having a supportive parent is crucial for your child to deal with the effects of bullying.
Assure them they can talk to you anytime and that everything will improve.
What can I do if my child is bullying others?
If you suspect or know that your child is engaging in bullying behaviour toward other children, it is crucial to remember that children who engage in such behaviour may not be bad at heart.
Most of the time, bullies are children trying to fit in, get attention, or work through complex feelings. Bullies may occasionally experience or witness violence in their homes or communities.
Communicate: You can better help your little one if you know why they are acting out. Are they worried about themselves at school? Do they have a conflict with a friend or sibling?
Speak to professionals: You might decide to speak with a children's counsellor, social worker, or mental health professional if they are having trouble explaining their behaviour.
Consider healthy coping mechanisms: Ask your child to describe a situation that irritated them, and then suggest positive ways to respond. Brainstorm potential future scenarios and helpful responses by imagining what it would be like to be the target of bullying; you can help your little one learn to "put themselves in their shoes".
Appropriate consequences: Set age-appropriate, non-violent consequences if you learn that your child has bullied someone is crucial. Perhaps you could restrict their favourite activities.
Apologise: Ask them to apologise to their friend and help them think of future ways to be more inclusive.